GW39 North v South charity match: North team reveal
On 28th May, members of the FPL community will unite in Birmingham for a charity match in aid of Street Child United. It pits North v South. Tensions are already running high.
Gameweek 39 North V South
Event information can be found here, along with the option to buy tickets for £5 (entry is free for under-16s if they are accompanied by a ticket-paying adult).
About Street Child United
Any non-ticket donations can be made via this link, where the current total has surpassed £375. All proceeds from the event will go to Street Child United, a charity set up to aid vulnerable children through the power of football.
There are millions of children surviving on dangerous streets worldwide. Instead of receiving support, they are often blamed for their situation and stigmatised. As a result, they are denied the opportunities needed to realise their potential. Street Child United aim to change this by hosting a 24-team World Cup in Qatar, ahead of the main FIFA tournament.
They will give the most vulnerable children across the globe the chance to represent their countries and tell the world ‘I am somebody’.
The Match
Arranged by Twitter personalities Benny Blanco and FPL Hints, it’s going to be a grudge match, North v South with pride at stake. the line-ups of both North and South have already been determined. First up, let’s reveal the North.
Team reveal: The North
GK – Michael Saville
Michael is so old he’s likely to be the first player stretchered ON to a football pitch. A signing made by manager Benny Blanco when he discovered he was the oldest player in the squad. Michael is the England Senior Veterans goalkeeper. This sounds impressive until you realise that his competition is a 73-year-old Uncle Albert look-a-like with a false hip. (by Benny Blanco)
DEF – Matty H (RB/RM)
The North is blessed with the footballing talents of one of the 43 Matts within the FPL Community. Keen to reinforce his image as a banter account, Matt recently captained Kai Havertz for three consecutive weeks. Matt will be keen to not let his fellow North team mates down, like Havertz did to FPL managers. (by FPL Elf)
DEF – Abdul (RB/RM)
FPL_Salah looks set to tear up the pitch for the North via a series of on-brand messages and the threat of smuggling the ball within his beard. Sponsored by Whoscored, Fantrax, Dreamsport & Match Magazine. He has odds of 44% to score and 12% for the clean sheet. #ad (by Hindu Monkey)
DEF – Gianni Buttice (CB)
The North can boast a bit of Mediterranean flair in the form of Gianni. Whether he’s taking selfies in the Official FPL studio, taking selfies walking the dogs, taking selfies at the Euros, taking selfies whilst accepting other peoples’ awards… I’ve lost my train of thought. Anyway, this could lead to a lapse in concentration for him mid-game. However, there’s nothing to worry about as, if it leads to a goal for the North or the South, Gianni can celebrate as he supports them both. (by FPL Elf)
DEF – Sam Martin (CB)
No matter the subject, Leicester City’s In The Know Sam will always try to steer things towards Leicester City. Sam is also an avid cricket fan, which explains why watching Leicester must seem like so much fun to him. He turns out for Team North channelling the spirit of Wes Morgan from that time they inexplicably won a league title. (by Benny Blanco)
DEF – Ben Dinnery (CB/CM)
Geordie FPL injury expert Ben’s problems are more likely to come off the pitch. He’ll risk heavy heckling from his numerous unmonitised followers for failing to predict player availability with 100% accuracy. On the field, Ben has vowed to win every header with a skull that puts the Big in Bigg Market. (by Hindu Monkey)
DEF – Clarkie (CB/ MID)
Clarkie lines up for the North at the heart of defence. Promising to bring the same no-nonsense approach he has previously taken to Twitter’s policies and behavioural guidelines. Nobody will want to go into a 50/50 with Beeston’s finest – including his own teammates afterwards. (by Hindu Monkey)
MID – FPL Pig (RM/RB)
Theoretically North of Birmingham, Netherlands-based FPL Pig gets in on a geographical technicality. He first kicked a football at four, played a match at five and by 5:30 he called it a day and went back to play the piano. Brought up playing ‘Voetbal’ on the streets of Rotterdam, Pig got the nickname the ‘Backstreet Boy’. Can anyone ‘Tell Me Why?’ Pig has ‘The Voice’ to turn heads and if you are as impressed by his football skills, there’s a link to buy him coffee in his bio. (by Benny Blanco)
MID – Benny Blanco (CM)
Northern gaffer Benny can’t even pick his own FPL team without copying someone else’s, so he’ll be leaning heavily on the support of his backroom staff. Benny rules with an iron fist of incompetence, consistently making the wrong decisions and refusing to accept any responsibility for his persistent failures. Likely to miss kick-off for the second half because he’ll be too busy tweeting some nonsense with a #NORSOU pun in it. (by Randy Shafter)
MID – Corf (CM/RM/RB)
Once appeared drunk on Bargain Hunt, Corf makes the team as the North’s Bargain Punt. Like a pound shop GCSE-level FPL Raptor, Corf uses the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pyramid to illustrate his FPL players’ longevity. A desperate attempt to ride in the slip stream of psychology-based content. A proud Welshman with an obsession for Robbie Savage, Corf is Rhyly going to have time those tackles Caerphilly. (by Benny Blanco)
MID – Ben Crellin (CM)
Crellin kept his diary free for this game as he knew there was a 75% chance that Benny and Chief were going to organise a North v South match that week – even before they had the idea. Famously nocturnal, he plans to wake up around half-time before beginning his warm-up, which will be sent to everyone in attendance via a Google spreadsheet. It may come as a surprise to learn that Ben is a central midfielder, often called “a nice guy”. Not to his face. He left his studs on the last person who called him that. But, to be fair to Ben, she shouldn’t have been on the pitch at her age anyway. (by FPL Partridge)
MID – Chef (CM/DM/CB)
Drifting off the bench, FPL Chef looks set to bring his unique brand to the pitch. He has offered to cook for the North if they win and eat the South if they lose. Strong words, let’s see what he can do out there. (by Hindu Monkey)
MID – Hindu Monkey (RM)
He has somehow managed to manipulate his way into the North team despite being a southerner. A marauding w(h)inger capable of ruffling opposition feathers at the drop of a tweet, he is the player most likely to storm off the pitch at any moment for no apparent reason. Will almost certainly throw a tantrum if losing at half-time. One love. (by Randy Shafter)
MID – Randy Shafter (RW)
Raised on a diet of swear words, Randy Shafter announced himself to the Twitter community via his eye-opening rants about John Stones. If we manage to get him there and confirm that he is in fact a real human being it would be considered a huge victory. Likely to get sent off instantly by ranting at the referee after the first decision that doesn’t go his way. (by Benny Blanco)
FOR – Dan Cox (ST)
This Matt Hancock doppelganger is a man with an active dislike of FPL. Dan thinks obsessing over a game that rewards the winner with a stress ball is frankly pathetic. As a previous #SkyFF champion who’s raked in tens of thousands of pounds in prize money you’d think he’d be happy but no. Dan hosts the Sky Bitesize YouTube channel, where he answers questions with helpful nuggets like “I don’t know”. Let’s hope Dan ‘does know’ where the back of the net is or he’ll be hooked before halftime – that’ll give him something to rant about. (by Benny Blanco)
FOR – Viking (ST)
Everybody’s favourite big dipper. His goalscoring odds are grimmer than his FPL rank history but he did consider swimming his way over from Ireland for the match. He abandoned that idea when he realised he can no longer post a fleet about it. Watch out for his lovely set of legs as he runs up and down the touchline making obscene gestures at the crowd. (by Randy Shafter)
FOR – Ed (ST/CM)
It’s hard to imagine someone more southern than Ed who, of course, dines out on caviar and lobster whenever he can. Ed is an open Christian, which is great because he’ll need all the prayers in the world now he’s inexplicably moved into stand-up comedy. Ed is to humour what Adama Traore is to FPL points. (by Hindu Monkey)
FOR – Stevie (ST)
Late recruit Stevie was signed up on the back of his half-decent keepie uppie skills and obsessive desire to be involved. Unfortunately, it has since become apparent that Stevie is an absolute psychopath. A loose cannon with a moral code even more questionable than his FPL predictions. This signing is likely to fast become a spectacular PR disaster for the North as nobody really knows what he’s going to do or say next. However, it’s still safer for everyone if he actually plays the full 90 minutes on the day just so that we can keep an eye on him. (by Randy Shafter)
Who will you be supporting in this FPL Gameweek match up, North v South?
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